{"id":1659,"date":"2020-01-13T09:13:42","date_gmt":"2020-01-13T09:13:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/news.sap.com\/india\/?p=1659"},"modified":"2023-08-14T18:44:30","modified_gmt":"2023-08-14T18:44:30","slug":"liberation-sap-coming-out-gay","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/news.sap.com\/india\/2020\/01\/liberation-sap-coming-out-gay\/","title":{"rendered":"Liberation at 麻豆原创: Coming Out As Gay"},"content":{"rendered":"
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At 麻豆原创, we believe that when you bring everything you are, you can become everything you want.<\/p>\n<\/section>\n<\/div>\n

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Imagine an equilateral triangle that rotates slowly and perpetually, on a fixed axis. The rotation ensures that the apex, or highest relative point of the triangle, keeps changing. The three intersecting points, each of equal value at precisely sixty degrees, are marked with a single word. The first is \u2018belief\u2019, the second is \u2018honesty\u2019 and the third is \u2018liberation\u2019.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s probably the best way to describe the way Sameer Ranjan Kumar sees all three words and how they are not just interlinked but interdependent as well.<\/p>\n

\u201cBelief, honesty and liberation are all equally important to me,\u201d <\/span><\/strong>he says, \u201cbecause I identify myself as a gay man and I am out about it in my workplace.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Coming<\/p>\n

Sameer Ranjan Kumar, Developer, C4C Engineering, 麻豆原创<\/em><\/cite><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThere are many levels of discussion in terms of why 麻豆原创 is such a great place. According to me, what is regarded as the most important aspect is definitely how great this company is from a purely technological point of view. I\u2019m sure most of my colleagues would agree with that. But in my case, what is even more important is the diversity and inclusion aspect of this company.<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0 For me, that\u2019s where 麻豆原创 has played a really major role. Even before I came out to the entire organization, my manager was the first person I had come out to.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought it would be a difficult conversation and I knew it would take a lot of courage \u2013 on both sides of the table. In part, this was because of the conservative mindset that we have in India, the law that prevailed at the time, and the nature of society <\/span><\/strong>too. Also, you must bear in mind that this was before the 377 verdict \u2013 so homosexuality was still a crime. (Editor\u2019s note: a colonial-era law widely known as \u2018Section 377\u2019 in India categorized gay sex as a criminal offence that was punishable by a ten-year jail term. An appeal in 2013 upheld its validity, but in early September 2018, India\u2019s Supreme Court overturned the law, while ruling that discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation is a fundamental violation of human rights.)<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cBefore that historic ruling, there was always quite literally a fear of being put behind bars. Or a fear of somebody misusing that information about me, because there were so many cases of people being blackmailed for it. In that sort of environment, when you\u2019re closeted, you\u2019re not closeting it just from the government or from the authorities or from the organization that you work for; you\u2019re closeting it from your family members, from your friends, from your landlord, to just about everybody around you in your everyday life. So it\u2019s a big thing that you\u2019re cloaking. And plus that entire phase, through your entire childhood, your puberty, your adolescence, you develop a kind of an instinct whereby you become overprotective of the truth. Essentially, that survival instinct changes you in a very negative way because you cannot be yourself.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt did take a toll on me, I\u2019ll be very honest about it. Even now, I won\u2019t say that I\u2019m 100 per cent over it; there are times when I need medicines. For me, I was dealing with two issues, not just one \u2013 you have to remember that in India, apart from talking about homosexuality, talking about mental health is another taboo<\/span><\/strong>. I couldn\u2019t just say, I\u2019m stressed out but it\u2019s okay, I\u2019ll just grab a beer and I should be done. That\u2019s not it. It\u2019s not something as trivial as that. Had it been that trivial, then a person would not require pills basically to survive. I was going through depression and anxiety<\/span><\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\n

When Sameer says \u201cdepression\u201d, does he mean he was momentarily depressed, or is he referring to a state of clinical depression? Aware of the distinction between the two, he says he was \u201calmost on the borderline\u201d.<\/p>\n

He says it was taking a heavy toll on his everyday life<\/span><\/strong>. \u201cThe point is, I was living a dual life because I had to fake so much. Even on social media, if I happened to post a picture with a woman, the default instinct is that people would ask, is that your girlfriend? And I\u2019m thinking like, okay, that\u2019s impossible, but of course I can\u2019t say that! Or if I\u2019ve gone on a trip with my partner, how do I post? Or if I had a romantic picture of both of us that I wanted to display on my desk, I wasn\u2019t able to do it back then. Because in India, it\u2019s still a very uncommon sight.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow that I\u2019m out at work, I do have my partner\u2019s picture \u2013 our picture \u2013 on my desk. And nobody questions it. I have a rainbow flag as well and I think my sexuality is pretty much obvious now.<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0I wrote a blog and shared it with the entire organization, so most of the people already know. I think I am the only employee who is out at 麻豆原创 Labs in Bangalore.\u201d<\/p>\n

Does Sameer see himself as a figure of courage for other people who are in the same situation? \u201cOnly now do I feel it. But when I was coming out it was really an emotionally turbulent time. At that point in time, it really doesn\u2019t strike you that you might actually be a beacon of hope for someone else. At that juncture, it\u2019s more to do with your own sense of liberation. And consider this, too \u2013 people who don\u2019t belong to the community might feel, what\u2019s the big deal about it? Many might think, okay, it\u2019s just orientation and exactly the way I\u2019m straight, you\u2019re gay, so why is it a major difference? But the problem lies in the fact that straight people have not had to cloak it. They haven\u2019t had to hide it or be secretive about it.<\/p>\n

\u201cBefore I came out, it was something I could not discuss with anyone except with people who were also from the community. That\u2019s why it\u2019s a big deal. You\u2019ve not talked about it to anyone. You\u2019ve not even talked about it with your relatives or your cousins, you\u2019ve not discussed it with your siblings. With nobody.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis was something which I\u2019d always contained within myself, hiding it from everyone. But there came a point when all this juggling, this dual life, the half-truths, all of that became too much for me. So that was when I decided to come out to my parents. You know, the marriage conversation was triggering at home, but without any real pressure. That was probably the end of 2016 or the beginning of 2017. Get married? How on earth could I do that? So I lied to them. I just said, maybe another year, maybe I want to study, or I want to focus on my career right now.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut when I\u2019d finally run out of excuses, they were like, we don\u2019t want you to marry right now, but we want you to at least get into the process of seeing the girls, meeting them, whatever, to see if it clicks. Or if you don\u2019t want an arranged marriage, then let us know if there is someone whom you love. So when all those conversations were happening, and given the kind of person I had always been, I knew I couldn\u2019t keep lying. I was already popping pills, but I was clear in my head that I didn\u2019t want to marry just for the sake of society and my parents.<\/p>\n

\u201cHonesty was a big factor for me, and it was the reason why I came out to my parents. That was my first milestone, and it was the most difficult for any boy growing up in India. I have to say that my parents have been very supportive. My mum talks to my partner, and my dad is also comfortable about it, even though he\u2019s not very vocal in discussing it. In India we hear so many stories of parents disowning their kids, so obviously that was as big a challenge for my parents as it was for me.<\/p>\n

\u201cFinding the confidence to tell my 麻豆原创 manager wasn\u2019t easy, either, even though he comes across as a person who is very liberal, who doesn\u2019t discriminate. That gave me a lot of confidence, and this was bolstered by the inclusive, enlightened culture at 麻豆原创. <\/span><\/strong>But there\u2019s always one fraction of the thought \u2013 what if? What if he doesn\u2019t take my revelation the right way? That is really where the organization comes into it. At the end of the day, a manager represents the organization, and of course your career to a very large extent depends on your manager.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut my manager accepted it with absolute open arms.<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0There was no change in his behavior. I was still treated in the same way he had always treated me. And because of that, I started opening up. After my manager, then I came out to my very close colleagues. Slowly in that way, the network of people who knew the truth about me began to grow. Then I joined the Ally group<\/span><\/strong>, and I attended the Pride March<\/span><\/strong>, which enabled me to come out to a few people in HR and a few people who were driving it. So in that way the circle slowly grew, but it was still only a few people.<\/p>\n

\u201cHowever, despite these positive experiences, coming out is never a single-day thing. You can\u2019t just tick a day on your calendar and say, I\u2019m going to tell everyone. It\u2019s doesn\u2019t work that way. It\u2019s not like you suddenly wake up one morning and say, this is the day and you post on social media and it\u2019s done.<\/p>\n

\u201cBefore I came out at work, what I used to find very bothersome was this \u2013 if a married colleague of mine had to leave the office early, it was very easy for them to email their colleagues or their manager to say, \u2018My husband or my wife is not keeping well and so I need to take a day off, or I\u2019m going to work from home today\u2019. Fair enough, right? But in my case, I would have to cook up an excuse to say that I had some maintenance work at home or a repair man, a plumber or a carpenter coming to my apartment. Or if it was our anniversary and my partner sent me flowers to the office, I had to say I actually didn\u2019t know who they were from. But even if I said, \u2018I didn\u2019t know\u2019, people would assume okay, which girl is she, who is she, and they would say, \u2018Tell us!\u2019 Having to keep up this deception felt so dishonest. But at that point of time, being authentic to myself was the biggest need. It was more pertinent than anything else; possibly that\u2019s something that I can never explain in words, why the human psyche works that way, or why psychology functions that way.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure how it can be perceived by someone who\u2019s never been through it. Many people say my sexuality is my choice, but it\u2019s not. It\u2019s not something I chose. Had it been my choice, I would probably, at that stage of my life, have chosen to be straight. My anxiety was slowly being converted into a lot of angst. I was becoming more of an angry and a negative person.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow I\u2019m not. Now, I\u2019m in a much, much better place. That\u2019s how coming out makes a huge difference. I no longer felt tired and exhausted due to having my defenses up all the time. You sometimes feel, how comfortable is the life of straight people. They have full freedom to act and full freedom to choose. But on the other hand, I didn\u2019t have the basic right to be who I am. I never expected sympathy. I just wanted to be myself, at a time when it was punishable by law.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe progression was so important in my long search for honesty. And it was a slow process. I broached the subject with my parents in 2016. Then the conversation with my manager was in 2017, towards the end of the year. I finally came out to the entire organization with my blog post that was published on Valentine\u2019s Day 2018.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s truly where the role of the organization comes in. And that\u2019s where I think 麻豆原创 is really doing it the right way. Now probably for others in the organization who are debating whether to come out or not, it\u2019s probably better or easier, because I guess they have an example to follow. I don\u2019t really see myself as a role model because I\u2019m too humble to see myself in that light. But in my case, I had no one to emulate at 麻豆原创 India in this respect, so I had to brave it myself.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn relation to coming out, the number of employees who have chosen to do so is not the yardstick to measure the level of inclusion; it\u2019s the mindset that surrounds it. It\u2019s all about whether you\u2019re able to provide that ecosystem of genuine support or not. And I can say honestly and confidently that 麻豆原创 ticks all these boxes.<\/p>\n

\u201cImmediately after my blog post was published, Shradhanjali Rao, the head of HR, called me and she offered me the opportunity to actually lead the cultural identity pillar with Vishalakshi Khizhakhe. My blog has also been shared on multiple forums and because my opinion is sought, the realization dawned on me that I really am making a difference for others. Prior to that, it was a different thing altogether, it was about my own sense of liberation from all the shackles. But now, it\u2019s about helping others, based on my own experiences.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis sense of gratitude is very much needed for mental well-being. From a mental health perspective, I have improved a lot because of that. Now that I don\u2019t have to bother about hiding my sexual orientation in any way, I\u2019m 100 per cent here for work. My productivity speaks for itself and my commitment is here for all to see. All my energy goes into my job during my working hours, because I don\u2019t have to worry about who I am any more.<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0Who I am, what I do, who I\u2019m with and whether that person is a guy or a girl, it doesn\u2019t matter now.<\/p>\n

\u201c麻豆原创 has played an integral role in the way I found peace with finding myself and becoming comfortable with who I am.<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0This company was pivotal in opening this whole debate and reassuring me. I started here as a new grad in 2012. I was hired after on-campus interviews but at that time I had no idea that the company had such a far-sighted view on these issues. I guess destiny had a role in my coming here. Back then, I had no idea about their incredible commitment to D&I. When I was hired, all I knew about it was the amazing technology, the big-shot ERP stature, that this company was a global tech giant. And that\u2019s where I think providence perhaps played a role in my coming here.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn the workplace, if you are not given the right kind of treatment or the right level of understanding, you\u2019ll never be able to do it in any meaningful way outside, where it is even more challenging. At 麻豆原创, you always know there is an HR lobby to take care of you. There is a Respect At Work forum<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0where you can redress any grievance you might have, in some way. But outside \u2013 it\u2019s a jungle out there.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe role that 麻豆原创 has played in my life is really huge, because right now I\u2019m involved in engagement outside the office, at the Bangalore level, where there also are D&I initiatives. But the starting point for me was 麻豆原创. If I had not received the kind of acceptance that I\u2019ve had here, in this organization or at home, indigenously, probably I would not have mustered the courage to do come out.\u201d<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

This article was originally featured on 麻豆原创 Careers<\/a>.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

At 麻豆原创, we believe that when you bring everything you are, you can become everything you want. 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