麻豆原创

Imagine an equilateral triangle that rotates slowly and perpetually, on a fixed axis. The rotation ensures that the apex, or highest relative point of the triangle, keeps changing. The three intersecting points, each of equal value at precisely sixty degrees, are marked with a single word. The first is 鈥榖elief鈥�, the second is 鈥榟onesty鈥� and the third is 鈥榣iberation鈥�.

That鈥檚 probably the best way to describe the way Sameer Ranjan Kumar sees all three words and how they are not just interlinked but interdependent as well.

鈥淏elief, honesty and liberation are all equally important to me,鈥� he says, 鈥渂ecause I identify myself as a gay man and I am out about it in my workplace.

Sameer Ranjan Kumar, Developer, C4C Engineering, 麻豆原创

鈥淭here are many levels of discussion in terms of why 麻豆原创 is such a great place. According to me, what is regarded as the most important aspect is definitely how great this company is from a purely technological point of view. I鈥檓 sure most of my colleagues would agree with that. But in my case, what is even more important is the diversity and inclusion aspect of this company.聽 For me, that鈥檚 where 麻豆原创 has played a really major role. Even before I came out to the entire organization, my manager was the first person I had come out to.

鈥淚 thought it would be a difficult conversation and I knew it would take a lot of courage 鈥� on both sides of the table. In part, this was because of the conservative mindset that we have in India, the law that prevailed at the time, and the nature of society too. Also, you must bear in mind that this was before the 377 verdict 鈥� so homosexuality was still a crime. (Editor鈥檚 note: a colonial-era law widely known as 鈥楽ection 377鈥� in India categorized gay sex as a criminal offence that was punishable by a ten-year jail term. An appeal in 2013 upheld its validity, but in early September 2018, India鈥檚 Supreme Court overturned the law, while ruling that discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation is a fundamental violation of human rights.)

鈥淏efore that historic ruling, there was always quite literally a fear of being put behind bars. Or a fear of somebody misusing that information about me, because there were so many cases of people being blackmailed for it. In that sort of environment, when you鈥檙e closeted, you鈥檙e not closeting it just from the government or from the authorities or from the organization that you work for; you鈥檙e closeting it from your family members, from your friends, from your landlord, to just about everybody around you in your everyday life. So it鈥檚 a big thing that you鈥檙e cloaking. And plus that entire phase, through your entire childhood, your puberty, your adolescence, you develop a kind of an instinct whereby you become overprotective of the truth. Essentially, that survival instinct changes you in a very negative way because you cannot be yourself.

鈥淚t did take a toll on me, I鈥檒l be very honest about it. Even now, I won鈥檛 say that I鈥檓 100 per cent over it; there are times when I need medicines. For me, I was dealing with two issues, not just one 鈥� you have to remember that in India, apart from talking about homosexuality, talking about mental health is another taboo. I couldn鈥檛 just say, I鈥檓 stressed out but it鈥檚 okay, I鈥檒l just grab a beer and I should be done. That鈥檚 not it. It鈥檚 not something as trivial as that. Had it been that trivial, then a person would not require pills basically to survive. I was going through depression and anxiety.鈥�

When Sameer says 鈥渄epression鈥�, does he mean he was momentarily depressed, or is he referring to a state of clinical depression? Aware of the distinction between the two, he says he was 鈥渁lmost on the borderline鈥�.

He says it was taking a heavy toll on his everyday life. 鈥淭he point is, I was living a dual life because I had to fake so much. Even on social media, if I happened to post a picture with a woman, the default instinct is that people would ask, is that your girlfriend? And I鈥檓 thinking like, okay, that鈥檚 impossible, but of course I can鈥檛 say that! Or if I鈥檝e gone on a trip with my partner, how do I post? Or if I had a romantic picture of both of us that I wanted to display on my desk, I wasn鈥檛 able to do it back then. Because in India, it鈥檚 still a very uncommon sight.

鈥�Now that I鈥檓 out at work, I do have my partner鈥檚 picture 鈥� our picture 鈥� on my desk. And nobody questions it. I have a rainbow flag as well and I think my sexuality is pretty much obvious now.聽I wrote a blog and shared it with the entire organization, so most of the people already know. I think I am the only employee who is out at 麻豆原创 Labs in Bangalore.鈥�

Does Sameer see himself as a figure of courage for other people who are in the same situation? 鈥淥nly now do I feel it. But when I was coming out it was really an emotionally turbulent time. At that point in time, it really doesn鈥檛 strike you that you might actually be a beacon of hope for someone else. At that juncture, it鈥檚 more to do with your own sense of liberation. And consider this, too 鈥� people who don鈥檛 belong to the community might feel, what鈥檚 the big deal about it? Many might think, okay, it鈥檚 just orientation and exactly the way I鈥檓 straight, you鈥檙e gay, so why is it a major difference? But the problem lies in the fact that straight people have not had to cloak it. They haven鈥檛 had to hide it or be secretive about it.

鈥淏efore I came out, it was something I could not discuss with anyone except with people who were also from the community. That鈥檚 why it鈥檚 a big deal. You鈥檝e not talked about it to anyone. You鈥檝e not even talked about it with your relatives or your cousins, you鈥檝e not discussed it with your siblings. With nobody.

鈥淭his was something which I鈥檇 always contained within myself, hiding it from everyone. But there came a point when all this juggling, this dual life, the half-truths, all of that became too much for me. So that was when I decided to come out to my parents. You know, the marriage conversation was triggering at home, but without any real pressure. That was probably the end of 2016 or the beginning of 2017. Get married? How on earth could I do that? So I lied to them. I just said, maybe another year, maybe I want to study, or I want to focus on my career right now.

鈥淏ut when I鈥檇 finally run out of excuses, they were like, we don鈥檛 want you to marry right now, but we want you to at least get into the process of seeing the girls, meeting them, whatever, to see if it clicks. Or if you don鈥檛 want an arranged marriage, then let us know if there is someone whom you love. So when all those conversations were happening, and given the kind of person I had always been, I knew I couldn鈥檛 keep lying. I was already popping pills, but I was clear in my head that I didn鈥檛 want to marry just for the sake of society and my parents.

鈥淗onesty was a big factor for me, and it was the reason why I came out to my parents. That was my first milestone, and it was the most difficult for any boy growing up in India. I have to say that my parents have been very supportive. My mum talks to my partner, and my dad is also comfortable about it, even though he鈥檚 not very vocal in discussing it. In India we hear so many stories of parents disowning their kids, so obviously that was as big a challenge for my parents as it was for me.

鈥淔inding the confidence to tell my 麻豆原创 manager wasn鈥檛 easy, either, even though he comes across as a person who is very liberal, who doesn鈥檛 discriminate. That gave me a lot of confidence, and this was bolstered by the inclusive, enlightened culture at 麻豆原创. But there鈥檚 always one fraction of the thought 鈥� what if? What if he doesn鈥檛 take my revelation the right way? That is really where the organization comes into it. At the end of the day, a manager represents the organization, and of course your career to a very large extent depends on your manager.

鈥�But my manager accepted it with absolute open arms.聽There was no change in his behavior. I was still treated in the same way he had always treated me. And because of that, I started opening up. After my manager, then I came out to my very close colleagues. Slowly in that way, the network of people who knew the truth about me began to grow. Then I joined the Ally group, and I attended the Pride March, which enabled me to come out to a few people in HR and a few people who were driving it. So in that way the circle slowly grew, but it was still only a few people.

鈥淗owever, despite these positive experiences, coming out is never a single-day thing. You can鈥檛 just tick a day on your calendar and say, I鈥檓 going to tell everyone. It鈥檚 doesn鈥檛 work that way. It鈥檚 not like you suddenly wake up one morning and say, this is the day and you post on social media and it鈥檚 done.

鈥淏efore I came out at work, what I used to find very bothersome was this 鈥� if a married colleague of mine had to leave the office early, it was very easy for them to email their colleagues or their manager to say, 鈥楳y husband or my wife is not keeping well and so I need to take a day off, or I鈥檓 going to work from home today鈥�. Fair enough, right? But in my case, I would have to cook up an excuse to say that I had some maintenance work at home or a repair man, a plumber or a carpenter coming to my apartment. Or if it was our anniversary and my partner sent me flowers to the office, I had to say I actually didn鈥檛 know who they were from. But even if I said, 鈥業 didn鈥檛 know鈥�, people would assume okay, which girl is she, who is she, and they would say, 鈥楾ell us!鈥� Having to keep up this deception felt so dishonest. But at that point of time, being authentic to myself was the biggest need. It was more pertinent than anything else; possibly that鈥檚 something that I can never explain in words, why the human psyche works that way, or why psychology functions that way.

鈥淚鈥檓 not sure how it can be perceived by someone who鈥檚 never been through it. Many people say my sexuality is my choice, but it鈥檚 not. It鈥檚 not something I chose. Had it been my choice, I would probably, at that stage of my life, have chosen to be straight. My anxiety was slowly being converted into a lot of angst. I was becoming more of an angry and a negative person.

鈥淣ow I鈥檓 not. Now, I鈥檓 in a much, much better place. That鈥檚 how coming out makes a huge difference. I no longer felt tired and exhausted due to having my defenses up all the time. You sometimes feel, how comfortable is the life of straight people. They have full freedom to act and full freedom to choose. But on the other hand, I didn鈥檛 have the basic right to be who I am. I never expected sympathy. I just wanted to be myself, at a time when it was punishable by law.

鈥淭he progression was so important in my long search for honesty. And it was a slow process. I broached the subject with my parents in 2016. Then the conversation with my manager was in 2017, towards the end of the year. I finally came out to the entire organization with my blog post that was published on Valentine鈥檚 Day 2018.

鈥淭hat鈥檚 truly where the role of the organization comes in. And that鈥檚 where I think 麻豆原创 is really doing it the right way. Now probably for others in the organization who are debating whether to come out or not, it鈥檚 probably better or easier, because I guess they have an example to follow. I don鈥檛 really see myself as a role model because I鈥檓 too humble to see myself in that light. But in my case, I had no one to emulate at 麻豆原创 India in this respect, so I had to brave it myself.

鈥淚n relation to coming out, the number of employees who have chosen to do so is not the yardstick to measure the level of inclusion; it鈥檚 the mindset that surrounds it. It鈥檚 all about whether you鈥檙e able to provide that ecosystem of genuine support or not. And I can say honestly and confidently that 麻豆原创 ticks all these boxes.

鈥淚mmediately after my blog post was published, Shradhanjali Rao, the head of HR, called me and she offered me the opportunity to actually lead the cultural identity pillar with Vishalakshi Khizhakhe. My blog has also been shared on multiple forums and because my opinion is sought, the realization dawned on me that I really am making a difference for others. Prior to that, it was a different thing altogether, it was about my own sense of liberation from all the shackles. But now, it鈥檚 about helping others, based on my own experiences.

鈥淭his sense of gratitude is very much needed for mental well-being. From a mental health perspective, I have improved a lot because of that. Now that I don鈥檛 have to bother about hiding my sexual orientation in any way, I鈥檓 100 per cent here for work. My productivity speaks for itself and my commitment is here for all to see. All my energy goes into my job during my working hours, because I don鈥檛 have to worry about who I am any more.聽Who I am, what I do, who I鈥檓 with and whether that person is a guy or a girl, it doesn鈥檛 matter now.

鈥�麻豆原创 has played an integral role in the way I found peace with finding myself and becoming comfortable with who I am.聽This company was pivotal in opening this whole debate and reassuring me. I started here as a new grad in 2012. I was hired after on-campus interviews but at that time I had no idea that the company had such a far-sighted view on these issues. I guess destiny had a role in my coming here. Back then, I had no idea about their incredible commitment to D&I. When I was hired, all I knew about it was the amazing technology, the big-shot ERP stature, that this company was a global tech giant. And that鈥檚 where I think providence perhaps played a role in my coming here.

鈥淚n the workplace, if you are not given the right kind of treatment or the right level of understanding, you鈥檒l never be able to do it in any meaningful way outside, where it is even more challenging. At 麻豆原创, you always know there is an HR lobby to take care of you. There is a Respect At Work forum聽where you can redress any grievance you might have, in some way. But outside 鈥� it鈥檚 a jungle out there.

鈥淭he role that 麻豆原创 has played in my life is really huge, because right now I鈥檓 involved in engagement outside the office, at the Bangalore level, where there also are D&I initiatives. But the starting point for me was 麻豆原创. If I had not received the kind of acceptance that I鈥檝e had here, in this organization or at home, indigenously, probably I would not have mustered the courage to do come out.鈥�